Wednesday, October 25, 2017


 I don't really understand it. I keep trying to get ahold of myself. I think that I've got control over this stuff. I think I finally am coming out of the cave for good. man. And then... And then I just feel like doing all the stuff I've always done. And that's why I called that hooker. I just knew I had to do a line of blow off her ass.  Not trying to be funny, man. I had to have that fucking flesh in my hands. I had to grab her and pull her and stick my cock deep inside her and I just had to ram it into her until I shot. I felt like fucking worms were crawling around in my skin. Just like energy and nervous energy and power and violence and I had to have more. Wasn't enough. Couldn't be enough.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

It's All Filth

Who doesn't know that everything is filth? I think every human being alive knows the truth but some have better mechanisms for hiding than others. Very few people want to face reality. Shove it in their faces and they squeal like pigs and writhe and twist every which way to avoid it. I prefer people who like to wallow in degradation. They seem to me to be the freest of all. Once they've let themselves be bottle-fucked, slapped around and pissed on, they can come to terms with their essential helplessness and insignificance. To do these things to others is no less degrading than to have them done to you because both actions are an admission of desperate desires.

To do or be done to both clear the way to really be yourself. No more hiding. No more pretending you're important. It's better to admit that everything is filth.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014


Toby is very frustrated with Faust's behavior.
"What the hell's wtih you? We're doing better than ever. Why would you want to fuck that up?"
"You think all the words and the music are just entertainment? You think this is all for fun? You think this is just a fucking game?"
Faust has become very passionate. He's gaining in energy and luminosity as he speaks.
"Every night we ask the devil to come. Every night we spit on God and the angels. We spit on goodness and decency. We piss on the way of life of most of the people around us including our own families. That's not about entertainment brother. I'm not here to entertain anybody. I want to rip the veil from their eyes. Make 'em look. Shove the truth in their face. I want the kids to love Satan. Love death. Love destruction. It's no game to me.
Toby has also become very animated.
"You keep going like this, you'll bring down the law on all of us. We barely escaped that shit in Poland. Naked, crucified people on stage. Bloody goat's heads. Burning the cross and raping nuns. It ain't worth it man. I done my time already. I don't wanna go back."
"You think I'm afraid of the authorities? The powers that be? They aren't worth shit to me. One of my biggest regrets is how I pussied out back in Kracow and let them run me out of town without a fight. Those bastards don't care about anything except keeping the peace in their corrupt order. I want souls. I want believers. Converts. I need followers for the great work of destruction."
"Jesus. I thought you were just trying to get publicity. I thought you were just being a clown to sell tickets. I didn't realize you were a fucking maniac."
"Come on Toby. Lay off. Just let him blow off steam."
"Hey. Don't apologize for me Duncan. I meant what I said."
"Look, Faust, you can do what you want. Nobody's trying to stop you. Just think about what you're doing. Don't drag other people down with your wild ideas."
"Down? I'm trying to take you on the ride of your life man. Higher than you've ever been. Higher than you could ever get without me. You look up because you WANT to be exalted. I look up because I am exalted."
"Are you off on that Nietzsche bullshit again? I'm out of here man."
"Don't pussy out on me dude. Man up. Get ready for the fight. Destruction is why I'm here on earth,. To destroy what is ready to fall. To show no mercy to the weak. Pity preserves what is ripe for decay."
Faust begins to laugh. Now he is just enjoying being a mocker.
"Man, you gotta take some time and calm down. We have a show to do tonight. I hope you can get it together before then."
Duncan follows Toby out of the room. Faust sneers after them and laughs again.
"Back in Kracow, I was almost there, but I panicked. I let them scare me. I backed down. I got worried because they were comparing me to the Scandanavian heavy metal killers and church burners. I should have been flattered. Now it's time to go all G.G. Allin on them and show them I mean business."
Susan isn't able to tell if Faust is just ranting to let off steam or just as a kind of joke or because he really is becoming seriously imbalanced. He doesn't talk to her very much anymore and when he does, he often goes off just like now. But maybe he really is finding his great mission in life. Maybe this really is his attempt to break his chains and get free. In that case, maybe she can learn from him. Maybe she can free herself from the past. The past is like a tomb sometimes.
She feels like she's already buried with her dead mother and with the ghost of her father that used to be able to love. Now, he's just a ranting maniac who makes Faust seem completely sane. He keeps talking about his angry God and the end times and the coming Apocalypse. He says that she has become a demon child who is helping Satan lead others away from God. He asks everyone to pray for her but she believes that he really means that he wants everyone to look at her as crazy. He really just wants her to disappear. He's angry at the sinners who are corrupting children and destroying morality. He things they're bringing down the country. Bringing the wrath of God down on everyone. How long can you hope for the rapture before you become a crazy old coot who starts trying to calculate the day and time of Armageddon? At least Faust's passion is for freedom. He has some kind of positive, earthly aim. That's something anyway. And besides, she knows that Faust can love. He loves her. He loves her just as much as she loves him. She doesn't doubt. She won't doubt.


Faust and Susan are lying in bed cuddling.
Susan announces that she has to get up. Her rollover, flip off the bed in one motion delights him. He laughs.
“Like a cat.”
“Meow baby.”
His hand cups her ass cheek.
“Let me pet you baby.”
She purrs. They both laugh. It’s a little chilly so she pulls on a robe.
“I’ll be right back.”
While she is gone from the room, Faust takes a deep, contented breath and lies back.
Oh no. Not the voices again.
“Shut up! I don’t care what you think.”
He hears a flush.
“What did you say baby?”
“Nothing. Can you get me a glass of water? And a couple of Advil?”
He lies still hoping the voices will stop. They don’t.
Susan returns.
“You have a headache baby?”
“Yeah. Just a little…nothing serious.” He swallows the tablets.
Susan can see that his mood has changed.
“Are you OK?”
Faust changes the subject.
“I wish we could get out of here for a little while.”
“Why don’t we?”
“The tour. I just don’t have much time. And we booked a couple of extra dates because things are going great. We need to cash in while we can.”
“I understand.”
She strips off the robe she had put on and cuddles up to him in bed. The voices keep talking to him but her naked body causes a natural reaction. He kisses her neck and caresses her breasts and maneuvers into position to slip his cock inside her. No matter how tortured he feels by the voices, she is still able to get his full attention. And as they slowly dive deeper and deeper into each other, her smell and softness and her taste begin to overwhelm him until there is nothing but her. Nothing but what they are doing to each other with kisses, caresses, whispers and sighs.
Maybe for this night at least, he will be able to keep the voices away again.

Monday, July 1, 2013


Another night at the top of the stairs. Two men enter his mother's bedroom 
together. The sounds are the same as usual at first, but they get louder. He hears the men saying things to his mother. “Shut up and take it like a good little bitch” and “Stop fighting. You'll only make it worse.” And he hears sounds of a struggle and it sounds like someone is being slapped and his mother is squealing and crying out and he can't take it anymore. He runs down the stairs and into the room to protect her.

He flinches in memory from the feeling of the belt as one of the men beats him. His mother doesn't do anything. She's naked and just trying to cover herself. 
“Leave the boy alone. Stop it.” The man picks him up and throws him out of the room into the hallway. He stands outside the door until finally his mother peeks her head out and talks to him. “Are you crazy? Get upstairs and go to bed and don't come back down here.” “The past is gone. Stop thinking about it.” But it won't leave him alone.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


Casting for a reading of short film script of Faust, the Devil & Rock & Roll for the executive producer. This script will be made into a short film which will then be used to raise money for the full-length feature film.

Faust, the Devil & Rock & Roll is the story of rock star Jonathan Faust, who battles his traumatic past, his current addictions and his encounters with the devil all as he falls in love with a beautiful young preacher’s daughter.

Roles in the script include

FAUST: A 30 TO 40- something heavy metal rock star. Faust is a man of powerful emotions both brutal and tender. He is capable of genuine love but he is haunted and sometimes bitter.

SUSAN: Susan is a preacher’s daughter in her early 20’s whose accidental encounter with Jonathan Faust provides her with an opportunity to escape from a sterile life. Susan is very emotional and deeply in love with Faust. She goes from a slightly demure and shy attitude to becoming wilder and more sexual.

FAUST’S MOTHER: Late 20’s to late 30’s.  Faust’s mother is the most complicated character of the short film. She is very sexy and she loves her son, but she has also ruined him by being too sexy in front of him and by exposing him to a parade of men in her life. She is a flawed but vulnerable woman whose mistakes cost her the love of her son and turn him into an ego-maniac.

PANDORA: Around 30. Pandora is a hot, rock chick type with an edge. In this short film, she is mostly seen from her sexual side but she is also capable of depth and tenderness.

DUNCAN: 40ish.Faust’s best friend but only a minor role in the short film.

TOBY: 40ish. A wild rock and roll clown who loves life and rock and women and drugs. Again, small but entertaining role in the short film.

THE DEVIL: 30’s to 50’s. The devil is a tough guy, strip club owner type with a couple of nice scenes in the short film. He is the type who wears a sports jacket with the sleeves rolled up and rings on every finger.

SUSAN’S FATHER: 40’s to 50’s. Susan’s father is a preacher who has a speech from the Bible in the script and who also has a short scene with Susan.

Thursday, April 14, 2011


Susan is alone in her room wearing a robe over lingerie. She is holding a bouquet of flowers and she reads a card.
Dear God, please let this work out. Please let him love me as much as I love him.
There is a knock on the door. Susan prepares herself and then she answers it. Faust can barely look at her when he comes through the door.
I see you got the flowers.
Yes. They're beautiful.
Susan, I just wanted to - I wanted to tell you that I'm going away for a while.
Going ? where are you going?
It doesn't matter. I need to get away so that I can ?
He reaches out to touch her, but she walks away.
Susan, this has nothing to do with you. I need to be alone for a while.
I'm trying to understand, but you keep running away from me. Why would you want to be ALONE? I've been alone all my life. I don't want to be alone.
Susan, I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to cause you any more pain.
She grabs a rose.
See this rose?
She opens her robe and sticks the thorns in her chest.
This rose doesn't mean to cause me pain. It's just what it is - a beautiful, dangerous thing, but if I stick myself hard enough -
She does so again and again .
It hurts and I BLEED AND HURT MORE. So that must be it Jonathan. You're just nature and I have to bleed when I touch you.
She wails in agony.
This is what we get for touching beauty.
She grabs the whole bunch of roses and begins tearing herself all over with them. He tries to stop her and she fights him off. She continues to tear herself on the thorns.
I'm bleeding for beauty and love Jonathan. I'm bleeding for you. NO. Don't touch me. Please don't. Not now. Leave me alone. PLEASE LEAVE.

Monday, April 4, 2011


Faust is sprawled on his bed. He is extremely tired but not really able to relax. In his mind, he sees quick images of the young girl who took him in after his collapse on the street. He is clearly thinking about her when he hears a knock on his door. He gets up and looks out the peephole and then slowly opens the door. Standing outside is the young girl Faust saw in flashes earlier. He is totally stunned. Neither one of them speaks for a few moments.
You told me where you were staying, so I -- I thought maybe I should check on you.
Come in. Come in.
She hesitates but eventually accepts.
Wow. I don't remember much. I was just - I'm sorry, I didn't even catch your name.
Oh yeah, of course, I'm Susan. I - you were really out of it.
I know I - Why don't you have a seat?
She sits down.
You want anything? I could call -
No. No. I mean, I can't really stay. My father doesn't even know I'm gone and he would - I mean when I brought you into the church, he was really - He made me get on my knees and pray to protect me from -
She hesitates.
The devil?
Yeah. I mean I know it's crazy, but- and when I went with you to the hospital, he was -
You went with me?
Yeah. I didn't, you know, I didn't want you to be alone.

Faust is touched by her words. They sit and look at each other for a few moments.
Look, I didn't mean to bother you. I can just -
There's no way you could bother me.
I mean if you have stuff to do I could -
Faust impulsively grabs her hand and holds it very meaningfully while he looks at her and when the moment is right he kisses her.
Susan is trembling and almost in tears. Faust is extremely gentle and comforting in his manner. None of the aggression and intensity of previous scenes.
Susan breathes intensely and looks down and around and away but always glancing back at his face and never letting go of his hand.
They are both almost laughing and crying from an overflow of emotion.
For once in my life I'm not going to question why something good is happening to me. I'm just going to -
No more words. Just looks and emotions and finally an infinitely tender kiss that fades out and takes Faust back to his dressing room where he is savoring this memory.


Faust opens the hotel room door and two young girls are standing outside. They smile and laugh as he invites them in. Inside the room, they are all happy and laughing and joking. The girls are obviously thrilled to be with Faust and everyone is having a good time. Faust deeply kisses each girl.
Faust sits alone in his dressing room. He is drinking whiskey from a bottle and looking intently at a clock which reads about 10 to midnight. The light is shadowy.
Faust's mother sits at her dressing table. She is smoking and doing her nails as she talks to him.
You shouldn't be so upset about your daddy leaving. He wasn't no good anyway. He owned that filthy club but we never seen anything from it.
She thinks about Faust's father for a moment and then she looks at her nails carefully.
It's just you and me now.
She gives him an entirely winning smile and then goes back to her primping.
Gotta get myself looking good for tonight. It's really important for mommy to look good.
She turns to Faust and shows off her beautiful body. The camera lingers to give a sense of appreciating her.
What do you think? Do you like my lipstick?
She laughs.
Don't look at me like that. I'm your mommy.
She looks at him disapprovingly for a few moments and there is even the hint of real anger and possible violence, but then she softens and seems again to invite his attention.
You know, I wish you wouldn't listen to so much of that heavy metal music. It's really dangerous you know. I mean I know I ain't no saint, but that stuff comes from the devil. You really gotta think about your soul honey.
She has finished with her nails and she blows on them a bit. She then picks up a lipstick and begins to apply it to her mouth. The camera again goes in close to suggest the fascination of the boy as he watches his mother. She continues intensely with what she's doing and then finally turns toward her son and gives him a knowing little smile. She stands up and lets her silk robe drop to the floor. She is wearing only lingerie now.
Time for you to get outta here and let me put on some more clothes.

Sunday, November 14, 2010


The character of Faust is based on the story by Goethe. The story was also conceived after reading the play all the way back in college. Over time, the themes have changed and deepened, but the constant element has always been a concern with the difficulties of trying to reconcile personal ambition and a desire for love with elements from a traumatic and painful past.

Faust is a powerful performer with a decidedly mixed character. He is equally capable of gentleness and tenderness as well as cruelty and bitterness. He loves life and at the same time, he is tortured by his past and he is sometimes very angry about that. He loves Susan but he's convinced that love is impossible for him because he can't trust and because he is self-destructive.

All this plays out against the backdrop of a heavy metal band on a fateful tour to try and regain lost glory. With his old friends Duncan and Toby and their new bassist Pandora (who is also involved in a relationship with Duncan), the band is traveling America in an attempt to take advantage of rock and roll nostalgia and make some money. Their tour isn't going very well though. They aren't filling the venues and their performances are mostly listless and uninspired recreations of things they did in the past. It's only after Faust's mother dies and he meets a preacher's daughter named Susan that things start to change for the group. Faust suddenly begins to find his energy and passion for rock again and the fans catch on and the while thing begins to take off. Of course, just when things are starting to pick up, Faust soon comes to realize that he is finally getting the benefits of a long ago pact with the titular Devil.



Faust is talking to Pandora alone.
What are you trying to do to her?
What do you mean?
You know what I mean. Leave her alone.
Make me.
You're crazy.
Make me.
Faust starts to touch her but he knows that his attraction to her is too intense and backs away.
You think you can ignore this?
Duncan is my best friend. We shouldn't be doing this.
She pushes close to him and again, it's electrifying and he almost can't contain himself.
Forget about Duncan. Forget about Susan. Nothing can stop this Faust.
Faust begins to hear all the devilish sounds that he hears when he is alone drinking in his room. Voices and whispers and sexy murmurings from female voices and his attraction to Pandora is becoming too much. His next words could be to Pandora or the devil and maybe even he doesn't know.
Shut the fuck up.
Make me.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Make me.

She slaps him.

You fucking bitch. What the hell is the matter with you? You know I -
She kicks and tears at him with her fingernails, until he finally reacts and pins her against the wall. Their faces are close together and they are both breathing heavily. She still struggles and he holds her as they stare at each other. Finally, the closeness and the energy begin to break down resistance and as Pandora moves closer to him, Faust kisses her. The kiss is angry and explosive. They both open up to each other and the floodgates open. It becomes passionate and desperate as they tear at each other removing clothes and kissing and touching. When Faust and Pandora finish their violent sexual encounter, Faust looks at the smeared makeup and the scratches on him and Pandora and he sees for the first time, a scar on Pandora's wrist where she had obviously attempted suicide. As he stares at her face, he is suddenly transported back to his mother's room once again.


Faust finds his mother's bedroom door open and enters. His Mother sits at her dressing table with her back to him. As he approaches, he notices an empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the floor and then he sees a small pool of blood near the bottle. Finally, when his mother turns toward him, she has blood smeared over her face like lipstick and her wrists are slit.

Do you like my lipstick?


Faust goes from looking at Pandora's wrists to looking at her face and running out of the room.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Flashing lights. Pounding music. A stripper with an apple and a snake slinks on stage in low light. She looks at the apple alternately with fear and desire until she finally bites into it. The tempo of the music and the flashing lights increases. Her sexuality begins to blossom and she flicks her tongue at the snake. Faust enters just before she bites the apple and she plays some of her act toward him after he seats himself at a table. When her set ends, another stripper appears and she takes the snake offstage and comes back on in a robe and goes over to Faust's table. 
I love your music.
Yeah, I like your act too. Turn around.
Turn around so I can see your ass.
She reluctantly obeys.
Mary is obviously disappointed.
Thanks. I've got to -
Don't go.
Look, I definitely don't want to be rude to you, but I'm not in the -
I'm sorry.
I,m sorry. I'm not always this bad. I swear.
It's not that guys don't ever talk to me like that, It's just tonight I'm kind of moody and - Do you have a light?
Faust lights her cigarette.
I've been under a lot of - well, you don't want to hear this.
No, what's the matter?
Oh --- nothing.
Come on. Tell me.
My little boy's been sick and my mind's just - out there.
He's sick? Is he gonna be -
Oh yeah. He'll be OK. He just feels really bad,ya know? Strep. He'll be fine. It just makes me sad to leave him when he really needs me.
She smokes and fidgets.
I like your ring.
Thanks. My mom gave it to me. My mom's really cool. She's got this amazing tattoo - what?
Your mom is cool, huh?
What? Did I hit a sore spot-
No. I don't have parents really.
Not really?
Well, my dad disappeared a long time ago and my mom's - well, she just died.
Oh baby. I'm sorry.
This show of sympathy touches Faust deeply, but he immediately toughens up.
No. No. No pity. What does not kill us makes us stronger - or stranger. Whichever. How old is your little boy?
He's six.
Six, huh? He must be a handful.
Oh yeah. He wears me out.
What's his name?
You really love him, huh?
Oh god. He's my whole life. It's just me and him, ya know. Gotta stick together.
No husband.
No nothin'.
Pause. Faust stares at her intensely.
You are so familiar.
My next set's coming up soon and I gotta go upstairs for a minute. Will you be here when I get back?
No - uh, no. I gotta go. I - what's your name?
She instinctively answers with her stage name and then tells him her real name.
Melody - Mary.
Mary. I'm sorry I was such an asshole earlier. I-
Don't worry about it. It's no big -
Faust takes her hand in a spontaneous gesture of tenderness. He then takes out a wad of hundred dollar bills and hands them to her.
Take care of Johnny.
She kisses him. There is a connection. Faust looks at her and heads for the door. Mary smiles as she watches him leave.